My New Man

The Hole

when i tried to sleep,
my mind wanders back to when i was with you
only the two of us
i was not the attractive kind of guy
but you spare your time to be with me

i remember every second i spent with you
how can i forget you,
when you gave so much to remember?
every word, every second
i was at a devastating state when i found out
i realized that i fell for you
you were the thing i promised not to fell for
but my own vow beats me
and i fell for you

when i tried to swipe aside my feeling
i took a trip to refresh my mind
but it was no good
because no matter how much you run,
you can never run from yourself.
even when i gave my full attention to another girl
every time i hit the pillows
you came to my mind
how can i fall asleep when i'm still falling for you?

and now i lie awake
thinking about you
i can't sleep with this hole in my heart
anyone can fill it up, but
i want you to be the one to fill it

i love you, and i miss you, sarah

Another Flashback

well hello. it's already the 7th of december. that means 2011 is coming to an end. and as the title said. i have a few flashbacks regarding 2011.

oh before that, just because i wrote these words with no such expressions, doesn't mean i'm sad. i'm excited! because last night, i saw hayley williams in my dreams! yes, that hayley from paramore! lately i was obsessed with her. and finally she came to my dream. i dreamt i searched her with some kid accompanying me, and when we saw hayley, she was sleeping in a dirty bed. literally dirty. and when i was walking toward her, she opened her eyes a little bit and smiled to me (kyaaaaaa~). that kid was already on the bad bouncing and woke my dear hayley. but then i sat down next to her, and give a gentle touch to her hair, and she smiled of embarrasment! and excited! damn, she was so damn cute. and after that we did a little trip around the city, all i remembered was hayley was talking with that kid all the way. but still, she's so damn cuteee~

ahem, so. let's move further from this morning to 19th october, 2011. yep. that's my birthday. last year was my 17th birthday, and it was boring. like no celebration nor gifts boring. but this year, so far it was the most exciting birthday to me. because so many people congrats me on midnight. even my dearest sister, ririn gembul :p called me in the middle of the night, to congrats me and told me to sign in skype. and when i saw her, she wrote on a piece of paper "HAPPY BIRTHDAY ABANG GENDUT!" with some drawing, she said it was supposed to be my picture, but it was nothing like me. LOL :p and sorry bul, you were not the first one to congrats me hihihihi. so. the same day in the afternoon, i went to my campus and met my friends. they congrats me too, of course :p but my two bestfriends succeed in surprising me. because they gave me a ticket to jogjakarta. damn, at first i was loss at words. why jogjakarta? that's where my sister-by-accident lives in. i made a promise to her that i will pay a visit to jogjakarta. and i told my best buddies about si gembul. and they gave me a chance to meet her. God, i'm so lucky. thanks buddies :)

miko, boncas, and me (meh i look like a fatass on that photo -___-)

this is me and ririin, my gembul sister :p this picture wouldn't even exist if it wasn't for them

oh look, i'm surrounded by angels. they're good looking aren't they? except miko, he's a man-angel with biceps

aside from my college life, i'm still in touch as well to my high school friends. and the last time we spent our last-minute vacation to safari zoo in bogor. it was on september i believe. that was a rash decision, and we had the chance to meet our families. nothing particular to tell, i'll post a picture instead. cause you know, picture paints thousand words.

ranti, ntu, akbar, dije. a brainless pack indeed

usually we just gather, hangout and laugh our asses off. but it was fun though, real fun. unfortunately now we're busy because our classes schedule and it's hard for us to meet and fool around. but i'm still in touch with them.

bottomline is, i think in 2011, i met such great people, and lucky to have some to become my best friends :) although, i have a heart-breaking story to tell, but i'm not gonna post it right now. if you wanna see it, then see my draft post. so, let's hope for a better future in 2012, and hope's the world not gonna expire as they say it will. my december wish?
"i want to kiss you on december 31st from 11:59pm to 12:01am so i can have a great ending to 2011 and an amazing beginning for 2012"
i found that quote on tumblr, when i said it i was like, damn. this is so great.
so goodbye everyone! have a great year ahead!
and hayley, if you miss me, just come to my dreams again alrite? :3 i love you.

They Are The Reason

a band is nothing without their fans. a famous guitarist has at least one role model. it all starts with a dream. when you watch them perform, you were like "damn, i wish i could play as good as him". and then you practice, practice, and practice. the next thing you know, you'll be able to play their songs. that's how i begun playing guitar in the first place. i have some inspirational guitarist from many bands. here we go

1. Matthew Bellamy

Matthew James Bellamy. The 33 years old guitarist is the first on my inspirational list. This vocalist of Muse always gave a spectacular performance on every live show. At first, i didn't really pay attention to Muse's live performances, because i only listen to their studio albums, Absolution, and Black Holes & Revelations. it. was. epic. i love their songs and how matt plays his guitar is just amazing. they're not fresh, but still loved by many people around the world.

2. Synyster Gates

After i listen to rock songs, i slowly enjoy listening hardcore songs. yep. that's how i knew this one. Brian Elwin Haner, Jr. or known as Synyster Gates. the lead guitarist of avenged sevenfold. unlike matthew, Gates is not really active on stage. but how he plays his guitar during solo riffs is just.... wow. maybe he's not as skillful as herman li (dragonforce), but i prefer him. he's like my guitar god.

3. Jack Barakat

okay, if you're my close friend and you know what music i listen recently, but you don't know who this guy is. then you're not my friend. LOL kidding. Jack Bassam Barakat. He's still 23. but on stage, he's very, very, active. This lead guitarist of All Time Low has became my most favorite role model. on stage, he's just bouncing around everywhere and his groupies would throw bra's at him. awesome.

"idk man, i just love music" -anonymous

i love her. i don't know why

Pink Alligator

The Pink Alligator was born in the calm forest of green, but he turned out to be pink. He's so visible that he can't hunt for food easily, so he's always especially hungry. The other animals dislike him and consider his coloration disgusting, almost like he's cursed. So, he started living alone. But then he made a friend. His friend was a bird--but, a bird that was unable to fly. So the bird would stand on the pink alligator's back and practice its flying.

This was the alligator's first friend, and he was very happy. They started going to the river every day, and the little bird would sing while the alligator listened. But again, the alligator couldn't catch food easily because of his color. Pink is such an odd color, his prey in the jungle saw him from far away and had plenty of time to escape. He became so hungry that he was dizzy most of the time. And he accidentally ate the bird one afternoon as it slept in his mouth. Of course, he realized his mistake immediately. He drank swamp water to induce vomiting... but the bird was already dead when he retrieved it. After that, he couldn't bring himself to eat anything.

Since the alligator ate his friend the bird, he cried and cried for a very long time. In fact, he was so sad... that he drowned in his own tears. His tears became a beautiful lake, around which grew beautiful flowers and a tree with delicious fruit. The other animals in the forest came there often to relax, but none of them knew the alligator had created it or that he was gone.

The End.

"Even though the alligator did not find the meaning in his life, the residents of the forest did, They just didn't realize it. Because, the meaning of my life is not something I should not worry about. It's really what others think of my life or what I was able to do for them. So, for me, or you, or anyone, the meaning of our lives is something that we make but don't see. People can't survive without help from others. We all depend on one another"

-Akinari Kamiki, the original writer of Pink Alligator